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You may know me as the blogger who travels all over California, but I actually do have a full-time office job working as a Marketing Manager for a Northern California surrogacy agency. I wanted to write this blog post because there are so many questions and concerns that potential surrogates have and the information available online is very limited.

I’ve seen so many happy families with their surrogacy babies and I know there are many more women out there who would make excellent surrogates. In general there’s a shortage of qualified surrogates compared to the amount of Intended Parents waiting to get matched.

So buckle up! All of the conversations I’ve heard happen behind closed doors I’m putting in this blog post because information is power. Your top 50 surrogacy questions answered with all brutal honesty I can muster. If there’s something holding you back from filling out a surrogacy application, hopefully I can address your concern and put your mind at ease.

What are the requirements to be a surrogate?

From a very basic standpoint these are the minimum requirements to be a surrogate:

A surrogate must be between the ages 21 - 45.
You need to already be a biological mother and have at least half custody of your biological children.
Your previous pregnancies need to have been uncomplicated without any medical issues.
You can’t be overweight or have a BMI over 32 (in some rare cases your BMI can be up to 35). Most agencies will give you the opportunity to lose weight and get back down to a healthy weight range to move forward with a surrogacy journey.
You cannot smoke tobacco products or intake weed or THC in any way. You must also be drug free with few exceptions.
You cannot be convicted of a felony to be a surrogate. If you have misdemeanor on your record you can explain the circumstances of your crime to your agency and they can determine whether you’re okay to move forward.
All surrogates must be a US Citizen, permanent resident or green card holder.
You must live in a state that allows surrogacy. On this map you can see the states where surrogacy is illegal.

All the criteria listed above is just the very basic qualifications to be a surrogate, but there’s more to it. To complete the onboarding process and make it to the part of the journey where you actually get paid, here’s what you need to know:

You have to be honest about your past - I've seen so many situations where a potential surrogate tries to hide things like medical complications from a prior pregnancy, criminal history, their current life circumstances, drug use, etc. The surrogacy agency is going to do a very thorough screening with background checks, medical records, blood tests, possibly even interviews with partners and family. If you’ve lied in your paperwork, the truth will most likely get revealed at some point.
You need to have a stable living environment - To be a surrogate you cannot live in a hotel, a trailer, sleeping on a friend’s couch, etc. You basically need to have your life together and are able to support yourself financially. I’ve seen some ladies get really upset about this criteria but that’s the way it is.
You need to be very motivated to complete the all the steps - To be approved as a surrogate you will need to physically go to your OBGYN doctors office for screenings, possibly multiple times. This is often the point in the process where the ladies start to fall off because it’s a lot of time and effort to complete all these steps and there’s no guarantee of payment yet. If you are working full-time then you may have to take time off work to make it to these appointments.

What is a surrogacy journey?

Journey is the industry term for a surrogacy pregnancy and encompases all the stages of the process. Not all surrogacy journeys end in a baby or even a confirmed pregnancy. The term journey usually starts after a surrogate has been matched with Intended Parents and they are staring the medical process.

Is the surrogate’s egg used for the pregnancy?

Traditional Surrogacy is when the egg from the surrogate is used to make the embryo. In this case the surrogate is the biological mother. This type of surrogacy is less common nowadays.

Gestational Surrogacy is when the egg belongs to either the mother or a donor, not the surrogate. In Gestational Surrogacy the surrogate has no biological connection to the baby. This second scenario is much more common in modern days and it’s the only type of surrogacy we do at the agency where I work.

Explain the Difference Between the Terms Surrogate Mother and Gestational Carrier.

The terms Surrogate Mother and Gestational Carrier are actually the same thing, they refer to the surrogate carrying the baby for the Intended Parents. At my agency we don’t use the term Surrogate Mother because it can be not only confusing but also insensitive to the IPs. The surrogate is pregnant with the baby but she is not the mother and shouldn’t refer to herself that way.

Can I be a surrogate if I have any STD’s?

If a potential surrogate has any STD’s that can be passed to the baby then those would automatically disqualify you from being a surrogate. Examples would be HIV and Hepatitis.

If a potential surrogate has incurable STD’s such as herpes or genital warts that do not automatically transfer to the baby then it may not disqualify them. The surrogate will most likely be required to take medication to avoid an outbreak, especially during the time of delivery. If the surrogate does have an outbreak at the time of delivery then they will be required to have a c-section.

Any woman considering applying to be a surrogate should know that you will have to disclose any STD’s you have to the agency and the IPs.

Can I be a surrogate if I’ve had a C-section?

Having a c-section by itself doesn’t disqualify you from become a surrogate. The devil is more of the details about why you had to have the c-section. To be a surrogate you can’t have a past of health problems related to your pregnancy. If your c-section was related to something like your labor not progressing then that would most likely not be an issue.

If you had to have your baby taken out pre-term via c-section then that might disqualify you from being a surrogate. Talk to the agency and tell them about the circumstances around your c-section, they should be able to quickly say if you’re still qualified.

*Note: Most fertility clinics have a maximum of 5 c-sections allowed.

Can I be surrogate if I’ve had a miscarriage?

Potential surrogates aren’t automatically disqualified by having had a prior miscarriage. It just depends on the timing of your miscarriage and your last pregnancy. Many agencies will require that you’ve had a successful and healthy pregnancy since your miscarriage in order to be consider for surrogacy. Talk to your agency about the circumstances around your miscarriage.

Can I be a surrogate if I’ve had an abortion?

The answer could be yes or no. During your interview process you will be asked about the reasons behind having an abortion and you will also have to talk about your abortion with a mental health expert. They want to make sure that you are not subconsciously doing surrogacy to fill the void of losing your own child. They also want to make sure that you have no intentions of harming the surrogacy baby.

I’ve seen many surrogates who’ve had past abortions do an excellent job at helping IPs make a baby. Generally speaking agencies often require a surrogate to wait at least 6 months after an abortion to begin a surrogacy journey.

By the way, I want to say that I do not believe in villainizing or judging women who have had abortions. There are many legitimate reasons why I woman would decide to end her pregnancy and she has the right to make that decision.

Also worth mentioning is that most surrogates need to agree in their contract that they will terminate the surrogacy pregnancy if the Intended Parents decide to end the journey before the baby is born. If you are against abortion then you can possibly still be a surrogate but you will have to be matched with IPs that share your same beliefs.

Can I take marijuana or THC products while I’m pregnant as a surrogate?

The answer to taking any form of weed during pregnancy is absolutely not. There’s ample evidence that marijuana has a negative impact on the baby’s cognitive development later in life. If you plan on taking any products with THC while pregnant then surrogacy is not for you.

Can surrogates be married or in a relationship?

Yes, I would say that at least half of our surrogates are married. If you are in a relationship then your partner must be completely onboard with the surrogacy. Sometimes your partner must sign the contract, they might even have to be interviewed and undergo medical screening as well. The members of your household cannot smoke or engage in any activities that could harm the baby or surrogate. And yes, you can have sex with your partner while you are a surrogate.

Do I have to give myself shots to be a surrogate?

Yes, in order to get your hormone levels ready for a surrogacy pregnancy you must take shots.. a lot of shots. I’ve seen that there are fertility clinics that do hormone treatment orally or with vaginal suppositories but that’s less common. Most agencies won’t consider a woman as a viable candidate for surrogacy if they have reservations about taking shots.

Most surrogates either give themselves their own shots or they have a partner or friend do it for them. The shots can be injected into the buttocks, stomach or other places. The timeline for shots is usually somewhere between 12 - 15 weeks, starting before the embryo transfer and continuing afterwards. The shots can range from once a day to multiple times a day.

For most surrogates it just become routine after a while. You absolutely need to be consistent with your shots or your hormone levels won’t be correct when you go into the clinic for testing. The shots portion of surrogacy is a big commitment and you need to take into consideration that this portion of the journey is mostly unpaid.

Can surrogates still work a job while pregnant?

Yes, many surrogates still work their normal jobs during their journey. They will obviously need to be able to take time off work for doctors appointments, possible bedrest, labor and delivery and postpartum recovery. They also can’t work a job that puts either themselves or the baby at risk.

If for some reason the surrogate needs to be medically put on bedrest or they cannot work their job, there’s usually a clause in the contract where the Intended Parents must pay for lost wages. This should be discussed in detail during the drafting of the contract.

Why do you have to be a mom to become a surrogate?

All surrogates are required to already have had one child prior to being considered for a surrogacy journey. There’s multiple reasons for this stipulation:

Surrogates have to have a track records of healthy pregnancies.
Surrogates must fully understand the ins and outs of pregnancy so there’s no big surprises during their surrogacy journey.
The women must have their own children so they are comfortable with the IPs taking their baby home.

Do I have to have a lawyer if I’m a surrogate?

Yes, surrogates need to have a legal professional protecting their interests. The good news is that your attorney is paid for by the IPs and you can get a referral from the surrogacy agency. So although the surrogate technically does need a lawyer, it’s not much a hassle to obtain one unless you want to find your own.

How many surrogacy journey’s can a surrogate do?

Most agencies will cap a woman at 6 total pregnancies that resulted in delivering a baby. This number includes all of your own children you may have. So if you’ve only had one child of your own then in theory you could do 5 surrogacy journeys. This number may vary by agency.

Can you be a surrogate if you’re still breastfeeding your own baby?

Most agencies will require you to have completely weaned your own babies or another surrogate baby before you can begin a new journey.

What are the best states to be a surrogate?

In the United States surrogacy is not legal in all states. In some states surrogacy may be legal but there are many restrictions making a surrogacy journey more challenging for the Intended Parents. Based on the laws and access to IVF fertility clinics, some of the best states to be a surrogate are California, Oregon, Washington and Nevada. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a surrogate if you live in another state - check the map here. In general California surrogates get paid the most. You must be a resident of a state that allows surrogacy to be considered as an applicant.

Questions to ask a surrogacy agency during interviews.

Honestly you should feel comfortable to ask your surrogacy agency any question, no matter how awkward. If you’re not getting good vibes during the interview process then I would move on to another agency.

Because the market is so competitive for qualified surrogates, the power is often on the side of the surrogate. If you are interviewing with multiple agencies then you should be upfront about the fact that you’re shopping around for the best deal. An agency may be able to provide you with special perks to ultimately get you to sign with them.

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Everything a Surrogate Needs to Know About Intended Parents

What are intended parents?

Intended Parents is the industry term for the parents seeking a surrogate to carry their baby. They are often referred to as IP’s and they come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they’re the biological parents with their own eggs and sperm, but sometimes they aren’t genetically related to the baby. IP’s can be a traditional man and woman couple, they can be same sex couples (two men or two women), or even single moms and dads.

Because surrogacy is illegal in many countries, it’s very common for Intended Parents to come to the United States for their surrogacy journey. Many of the surrogates I know have carried babies for IP’s based out of China, Italy, England, Spain, France and Israel.

One thing to understand about Intended Parents is that many of them have been down a heartbreaking and emotional journey, especially traditional men and women couples. They’ve dealt with infertility, miscarriages, failed IVF attempts and so much more. By the time they arrive at the surrogacy stage they’ve already been through a lot of turmoil. In my opinion, a good surrogate is very aware and sensitive to the history of their IP’s and truly wants to help them become parents.

One myth I’d like to dispel about Intended Parents is that they’re not all super wealthy people. I’ve seen many cases where IP’s have tried adoption without any success and surrogacy is their last option. IP’s have done things like mortgage their home, take out loans and save for many years to attempt to have a baby with IVF and surrogacy. The internal desire to be a parent for some people is very strong and they are willing to take great financial risks to have a baby.

What is the relationship like between Intended Parents and surrogates?

The answer to this question really varies. Some IPs want a close relationship where they are friends with the surrogate. I’ve seen surrogacy journeys where the surrogates form lasting emotional bonds with their IPs and even carry multiple babies for them.

I’ve also seen a more business-like relationships where most of the communication is through the agency and the IPs and surrogate don’t have much contact.

From the surrogate’s perspective, if you have a desire for a specific kind of relationship with your IPs then you should express this to your agency. There’s an employee in the surrogacy agency who’s job is to match the right surrogate with the perfect IPs. They will be able to find you a match that mirrors your own vision of the surrogacy journey.

How do surrogates get matched with the Intended parents?

During the initial phases of interviews the agency intake teams take notes on the needs, preferences and personalities of both the surrogate and the Intended Parents. When it comes time to match they compare notes and make a preliminary match. Then they have either a virtual or in-person introductory meeting to see if both parties are compatible. Then afterwards all parties speak in private and decide if they want to move forward. If the surrogate is not comfortable with the IPs she’s been matched with then she can voice her concern and asked to be re-matched.

What questions should the surrogate ask the Intended Parents before matching?

All of the initial questions and concerns will go to your representative at the surrogacy agency. So by the time you’re meeting the IPs they should have a firm knowledge of all your requirements. That being said, I think a surrogate should feel comfortable to speak openly with the IPs about any concerns, especially before she’s pregnant. A surrogate should also ask questions that will help them get an insight to the lifestyle and personality traits of the IPs. This will help in deciding if they’re a good match for the journey.

Why don’t IPs just adopt a child instead of doing surrogacy?

There’s no one reason why a couple of Intended Parents would decide to go the route of surrogacy instead of adoption. Keep in mind that in many cases surrogacy is the only option for them to become parents. The most common reasons I’ve seen couple choose surrogacy over adoption are:

They’ve been rejected in the past for adoption because of their age or medical conditions.
LGBT couples face a lot of discrimination when it comes to adoption.
Often single parents can’t adopt.
The IPs want to select the gender of the baby through IVF. This is often referred to as “family balance.” An example would be where a family already has 3 boys and they want to use IVF to have a girl.
The IPs want to be genetically related to the baby.

Can I be a surrogate for gay dads?

Because men can’t get pregnant on their own, pairs of gay dads very often work with surrogates to become parents. If you’re looking for a surrogacy journey where you build a close bond with the IPs, your best bet is with gay dads. I’ve heard a lot of surrogates ask for “fun gay dads” for their IPs during their interview process.

It’s also very rewarding to help members of the LGBT community build families. They have a long history of discrimination and in many cases adoption is not an option for them.

How can you become a surrogate for a celebrity?

The agency that I work for has had some VIP profile Intended Parent clients (which I cannot disclose). There were matched with surrogates who have a positive track record of successful prior journeys, excellent health records and are pleasant and easy to work with. And yes, some of those ladies get really spoiled by their IP’s with a higher pay rate, gifts and added perks. But most of them must sign non disclosure agreements meaning that they can’t tell anyone who the baby’s parents are. So the surrogate selected for a celebrity journey must be very trustworthy and mature to handle the situation.

Are the Intended Parents in the room when the surrogate delivers the baby?

All the specifics about the labor and delivery for the surrogacy journey is determined in the contracts before pregnancy begins. If the IPs really want to be in the delivery room then they need to express this early on in the process.

A potential surrogate can decide how she feels about the parents in the delivery room and put her two cents into the contract. If the IPs and surrogate can’t come to an agreement on the labor and delivery terms they ultimately they are not a good match and the agency should reassign them before anyone commits to the contract.

Can you be a surrogate for a family member or a friend?

Any woman can carry a baby for Intended Parents as long as she meets the medical requirements. In most cases it’s still recommended to use a surrogacy agency to manage the journey, even if the surrogate is a friend. All of the details including payments to the surrogate, legal representation, fertility clinic appointments, etc. are complicated and you want experienced professionals managing the journey. Also, if somehow the relationship between the surrogate and the IPs goes sour then at least you have a third party there to manage the remainder of the journey.

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How Much Money Do Surrogates Make?

The big question everyone wants to know! In my experience I’ve seen as low as $20,000 and as high as $65,000. I’ve seen surrogate agency advertisements that say a surrogate can earn up to $85,000 but this is so rare (maybe if you’re a surrogate for Kim Kardashian or some other major celebrity). I would say the average surrogate gets about $40,000 per completed journey. In California surrogates are more likely to earn more than in other states. These numbers include the “all-in” payments, meaning that when you add up all the income that’s the number you get.

How do surrogates get paid?

Surrogates get paid for journey milestones and then monthly installments. The surrogate payment schedule usually looks something like this:

The base payment is the largest lump sum of money and it is divided up into 8 monthly payments. These payments only begin after the heartbeat confirmation.
A monthly allowance to cover things like vitamins and costs that are related to the surrogacy pregnancy.
There’s a cash payment when you begin taking hormone medication.
Embryo transfer payment for each attempt.
Additional paid perks that are listed below.

What perks do surrogates get?

The paid perks that surrogates vary from agency to agency and are dependent on the budget the IPs have. The most common surrogate perks I’ve seen are:

Paying for childcare
Housekeeping
Gym memberships
Prenatal massage
Prenatal yoga
$1,000 shopping budget for maternity clothes (or any clothes you want)
Food allowance

Do surrogates get paid to travel?

In a surrogacy journey it’s very common for the fertility center where the embryos are being transferred to be located in another city or state from where the surrogate lives. The Intended Parents have to pay for the surrogate to fly and stay in a hotel for the transfer procedure.

At my agency we’ve seen several surrogates make a mini vacation out of this trip with some sightseeing and Disneyland visits. In rare cases surrogates will take international trips for a procedure.

Do Surrogates Still Get Paid if they Have a Miscarriage?

While there are smaller payments made in the beginning of the journey, the bulk of the payments to the surrogate starts after the heartbeat confirmation. So the further along in the pregnancy the surrogate gets, the more she gets paid before a miscarriage happens. It’s very unlikely that the surrogate would collect the entire payment amount if she miscarries.

Do surrogates make more when they carry twins?

Yes, surrogates get between $5,000 - $10,000 more money if they carry twins.

Do Second Time Surrogates make more money?

Yes, surrogates usually get at least $10,000 more for their second journey. This is because they have proven that their body does well with a surrogacy journey. They have also shown that they are responsible and mature enough to handle a surrogacy pregnancy.

Can a surrogate negotiate a higher price?

If a surrogate has a positive track record with healthy pregnancies, especially surrogacy pregnancies, they have the power to negotiate for more money. There’s no guarantee that they’ll match with IPs who want to pay their higher cost, but you never know. With the overall shortage of qualifies surrogates it’s a definite possibility.

Do surrogates pay taxes on their earned income from surrogacy?

In California surrogates currently don’t have to pay taxes on their income because it is considered to be “pain and suffering” income. Egg donation on the other hand does get taxed.

Is surrogacy worth the money?

Most of the surrogates I’ve worked with have had positive a positive experience and even done multiple journeys. We’ve seen surrogates build a great lifestyle for themselves by buying homes, starting businesses, traveling all over the world and saving for the future.

I know there are surrogates who complete just one journey and that was enough for them. But it’s rare that I hear overly negative feelings toward a surrogacy journey.

Should I do egg donation or be a surrogate?

With gestational surrogacy you don’t have any of your own biological children floating around in the world. But with egg donation you could potentially have offspring living with other parents. But surrogacy obviously takes a bigger toll on your body and is more disruptive to your daily life. Egg donors can expect to earn between $5,000 to $10,000 per cycle, and the max amount of cycles allowed is 6.

Do surrogates get paid to recruit other surrogates?

One way that former surrogates can make extra income is through agency referral programs. If you had a positive surrogacy journey experience but you can’t have another journey (or you don’t want to), then many surrogates used their networking and social media to connect with other possible surrogates. Agencies will pay up to $1,500 per referral that completes a journey. I’ve seen surrogates make a side hustle out of agency referral programs without having to get pregnant again.

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What happens with the surrogate after the baby is born?

How does the surrogate feel about returning the baby to the parents after he/she is born?

Although outsiders to the surrogacy world like to fixate on this topic, I’ve never seen it be an issue in real life. Before the surrogate becomes pregnant with the IP’s baby, she goes through intensive phycological screening. This is done to make sure that she won’t have an issue with not being the mother and brining the baby home at the end of her pregnancy.

Most surrogates tell me that the best part of their surrogacy journey is seeing the parents holding their baby for the first time. These IPs have been waiting a long time for that moment and it’s a very joyous and emotional event. Often the surrogate has formed a bond with the IPs and she’s very happy for them. Surrogates are already mothers (it’s a listed requirement) so they understand the feeling of meeting your child for the first time.

Also, once the pregnancy is over the surrogate gets to go back to their normal life without a big baby bump or pregnancy symptoms. Not to mention they just acquired a large sum of cash in the last 9 months from their successful journey. Travel would be the first thing on my mind!

Do surrogates breastfeed the baby?

Breastfeeding the surrogate baby is something that is decided in the contracts before the surrogate is pregnant. In most cases the Intended Parents live far away from the surrogate and it’s not very easy to manage logistically. But I have seen IPs that specifically ask for a surrogate who is willing to breastfeed.

Do surrogates have postpartum symptoms after baby is born?

Yes, your body has gone through a real pregnancy and you’ll have the same kind of postpartum recovery. You obviously won’t have a newborn to take care of so you’ll actually get to relax and sleep, yay!

How long do surrogates have to wait in between pregnancies?

Currently the industry standard is you have to wait between 6 months to a year before you can pregnant again. Most doctors would recommend at least a year to give your uterus and body time to heal and recover. If you’ve had a c-section then the wait could be longer.